At the core of our being, we want to be free of pain and lead happy lives but along the way we go through some negative experiences that alter our perception of reality. We experience emotional pain in life which some of us bounce back from while some of us get stuck with it till it becomes part of our identity. You may get stuck to the point where instead of moving towards a solution, you’re moving towards more pain.
The pain now turns out to be your ‘comfort zone’ of familiar pain. The comfort zone of familiar pain refers to the tendency of staying in situations that cause pain or discomfort, simply because we are familiar with them. When something is familiar to us, there is an element of stability, steadiness and security attached to it.
This can happen when we become accustomed to a certain level of pain or discomfort and then we find it easier to stay in a familiar pattern than to take steps to change our circumstances. It’s more comfortable (even less painful) to stay in the pain than to explore the possibility of facing the pain and being free.
For instance, when you’re used to being emotionally or physically abused in your relationships, those painful feelings and thoughts have become familiar to you. You will find yourself moving towards relationships where you’re being subjected to similar kind of abuse because you’re familiar with them.
Those relationships bring a certain feeling of comfort because the mind knows what to expect and that in itself brings an element of safety and security. Those are the things that your mind has become so comfortable with, that are known. Sadly, and in a twisted way, that’s what makes you feel safe now because at least you know what to expect.
Also, it’s easier and less painful to anticipate pain than to face actual pain. When you deeply believe you don’t deserve peace in life, it provides a false kind of consolation. This is because the moment you get rejected or hurt by someone, you will console yourself with thoughts like, “At least, I knew they would do that” or, “I expected nothing from them.” So, you’re suffering on the inside but you feel that you have it under control and you even deceive yourself that you’re not that hurt. This can also be a state of being hypervigilant and anticipating danger so that you can face it.
One other thing about getting stuck with pain is it can be a source of negative attention and validation. Our deep desire to feel valued, understood, and appreciated is often fulfilled by the attention we receive from others. However, we may develop these beliefs that attention can only be gained by experiencing problems or challenges.
This could stem from childhood experiences where the only time you ever received attention and validation from your loved ones was when you were hurt or in pain. Actually, nothing is more attention-grabbing in this planet than when there is tragedy. When this notion is ingrained in your psyche, you will tend to hold onto your pain so as to fulfil you need for attention, even if it means receiving negative attention.
The only way to deal with pain is to process and release it: but, it’s not that easy since your current perception of reality is out there trying to preserve itself. When you stay in pain for far too long, you identify with it and even think it’s just who you are. Most of this happens unconsciously and the idea of breaking free of that stuck identity scares you.
This is one of those reasons why you will procrastinate, make excuses or even self-sabotage any attempts towards your healing. Even if there’s a FREE Healing bootcamp, you will not attend or commit to it, even if the success rate is 100%.
This is because your subconscious mind is just convinced that you’re much safer holding onto that pain than releasing it. Holding onto these false identities will keep you away from a life full of contentment and bliss. If there’s one thing you can take from this is commitment and deeper inner work is your only way to freedom. Don’t make pain your ‘home’, it’s a prison which you need to break out of.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.
