How Can I Heal When I Don’t Remember What Happened?
A common question and concern I normally get from my clients is the feeling that they don’t remember anything about the past and so they cannot heal.
You see, that’s how dangerous it can be when we operate from a fixed frame when it comes to healing — the belief that we must remember past events or revisit our childhood, along with all the other misconceptions about what healing from the past truly involves.
But here’s the thing: Healing is not always about remembering everything that happened.
That belief — that you must remember a specific event to heal — is one of the biggest blocks keeping people stuck with their problems.
This is because, when you hold a belief about how healing is supposed to be then that in itself is a belief which will hold you back from seeking alternatives and nudging you the possibilities of your healing journey. You’ve already put yourself in a box, and healing most times happens outside that box.
Your Mind Works in Fragments, Not Full Stories
So, the thing is you don’t need to remember the exact moment something happened for you to overcome it. Actually, most of your current suffering isn’t coming from the original experience — it’s coming from the meaning your mind made out of it.
A good example would be, let’s say you operate from the belief:
“I’m not good enough.”
That belief may have developed over time, from subtle patterns, repeated emotions, or unspoken messages — not necessarily from a single life experience or rather not from a childhood experience. And even if you don’t consciously remember where it came from, the belief is still shaping how you think, feel, and behave in the present world.
Healing Happens in the Now
So now what? The good news your mind is always working with aspects you’re ready for. When I work with clients, our primary focus is what’s happening in the present moment — the thoughts, sensations, and beliefs that are keeping them stuck. From there, the unconscious mind may bring up a memory spontaneously or what we can call naturally occurring phenomena. If it does, we work with it. But if it doesn’t, that’s completely fine too.
The key is not to force it, but to allow healing to happen organically.
When you try to dig a specific memory, it can actual lead to more tension than the clarity you were seeking. That’s why I encourage clients to drop the need to conclude or “find the thing.”
Healing isn’t a hunt — it’s a process of trust and surrender.
Think of it like going to a doctor after an injury. The doctor doesn’t obsess over how you got injured or what led to the injury as much. Whether it was a fall, a twist, or something else -what matters most is treating the wound that’s showing up now. They will focus mostly on what’s happening to your body in that present moment and what needs to be done.
Conclusion
So, if you find yourself stuck, trying to dig up what really caused it, understand this: even if you find “it,” you may not feel satisfied — because healing is not about pinpointing a moment. It’s about breaking free from the beliefs and thought loops that are keeping you stuck in the present.
These loops may have morphed and evolved over time, but what matters now is how you begin to deconstruct them — right here, in the present moment. That’s where healing happens. Once that shift begins, you’ll see how the past doesn’t have to hold you hostage. The beliefs and identities you thought were “you” begin to fall away.
And if the memories do surface — maybe in dreams, flashbacks, or unexpected moments — just notice them. Don’t overanalyse. Don’t try to assign meaning to them. Just observe them for what they are: memories, not your identity.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.
References
https://josephinehardman.com/do-i-have-to-remember-the-trauma-in-order-to-heal/
