Why Do We Tolerate Bad Behavior and Make Excuses in Our Relationships?
In life, we often find ourselves in situations where we make excuses for our partners, parents, siblings, or children. We make excuses even when they may not be aware of or willing to change their bad behavior. We may do this consciously and unconsciously even when the relationships are hurtful for you. So, why do we do this, especially in abusive relationships?
Emotional attachment- In any relationship, especially romantic ones, we develop attachments to the other person. We care for them and don’t want them to be seen as bad by others. We make excuses to preserve the relationship and because we have invested so much in it. We fear that if we stop making excuses, the relationship will end.
Fear- We fear conflict and the consequences of standing up against bad behavior. We may be afraid of leaving the relationship or facing the difficulties of divorce. So, we choose to make excuses as a form of self-preservation and to avoid the fears that come with taking action.
Low self-esteem- When we have low self-esteem, we rely on others to define us. We may feel that we don’t deserve better and that where we are is where we belong. We then make excuses to maintain the relationship because we believe we are deeply inadequate.
Manipulation- They make us question our reality and doubt ourselves. We may start believing that we are the cause of their bad behavior. We make excuses to take responsibility for their actions because we have been manipulated to think so. They blame you and gaslighted you to believe that you have to take care of their inappropriate behavior.
Comfort zone- We resist leaving our comfort zones, and relationships become familiar environments. Making excuses allows us to maintain the familiar even if the truth is difficult to face. We choose to make excuses to preserve the relationship and avoid emotional challenges of leaving the relationship. Also, the relationship is a familiar environment to our unhealed wounds which means we will take all the necessary action to preserve the relationship even it means making excuses for our partners.
Co-dependent tendencies, such as perfectionism and people-pleasing, can also lead to making excuses. We want to maintain the image of a perfect relationship to others. We fear judgment and want to keep others happy. Making excuses protects the relationship and avoids showing its flaws. We also don’t want to hurt our partners by confronting their inappropriate behavior.
Feeling Ashamed- We make excuses to avoid facing the truth and the judgment of others. We don’t want others to know what’s really happening in our relationship, so we make excuses to protect ourselves from shame and consequences. During the early stages of the relationship, you may have boasted about how awesome your relationship was, so you feel deeply ashamed to speak the truth
Lastly, societal conditioning plays a role. We’ve been taught to protect our partners and not show relationship issues to the outside world. We make excuses to fulfill this societal expectation of protecting our loved ones. When you’ve been conditioned to protect your family, you will tend to be overprotective and even make excuses for their bad behavior. After all, it’s what the society expects of you as that good husband/wife.
Making excuses for others’ bad behavior is dangerous because it enables and encourages the behavior to continue. It’s important to hold people accountable and not make excuses for them. Take responsibility for your own life and prioritize your emotional well-being. Set boundaries and demand respect. Others will learn from your example, not from your excuses.
Remember, you deserve better treatment. Don’t let societal expectations or fear hold you back from living a fulfilled and autonomous life.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts, experiences and research😊.
